I’m standing in line at the bank. I’m wearing a leather racing jacket and holding a full face helmet. A man and a loan officer walk up to one of the teller windows. Seeing me, the woman says to her client, “Well I certainly hope YOU wear a helmet.”

The guy, wearing some Harley logo stuff, says loudly, “No way. Helmets make crashes worse. It’s been proven. They’re so heavy they make your head hit the pavement, no matter how you fall. I’ve fallen three times and haven’t hurt my head yet.”

As she passed me on the way back to her desk she said, “I’m glad you’re wearing one.”

To which I replied, “I also make a point of not falling down.”

Ha ha ha.

Seriously, where does that shit come from?

How has he never seen a motorcycle race? MotoGP riders crash at 150+ MPH on a pretty regular basis. Not one has ridden bareback, or bare-headed. It’s a pretty well-engineered sport so I think there’d be ample evidence for the theory that your head would float above your body as it slid along the pavement into a guardrail.

Here’s an example of how insane the standings are right now: if Nicky Hayden lands second on the podium, Rossi only has to place place fifth to take the title. Third for Nicky means Rossi needs only ninth.

Plus, the front row is Rossi, Capirossi, Bayliss–my sweetheart, two Ducs and one of them ridden by… BAYLISS? Where’d he come from? Nicky lined up right next to Pedrosa, his teammate who ran him off the track and trashed the race in Portugal last time around and…

I’ll just calm down and see if I can get any takers to bet me on how many laps Nakano gets before crashing.

My heart is with Valentino, but when Nicky crashed at Portugal, I actually began to weep. I think I have a little Kentucky in me after all.

“There are two riders in Honda,” Rossi said. “One is a little rooster who is fifth in the world championship, and the other is a leader who’s all alone.” RoadRacerX

• SuperbikePlanet

Which might be a good reason to avoid the women’s only class.

I went back to do a story about Steve Bauman, the dreamy instructor. Took lots of pictures, especially of Scott, who did really well.

I know I’ll go again. I just need to schedule it in accordance with the moon or my horoscope or something. I need a hysterectomy if I want to continue riding.

The last time I was in Manley Cycle, the front room was packed so full of bikes waiting for service I could barely reach the front counter. WTF?

And now they’re closing?!

Oh no, wait. My mistake. They’re evolving.

Dammit. I hate evolution. I really like Heather, Mark and Tom and some of those other guys I see back in the loud place in back. I don’t want them to evolve. I want them to stay put, just the way God creationed them to be.

It’s a damn good thing Zack has made MotoPrimo bearable again. Too bad he’s the only guy who got the memo about how passe it is to be smug. Just wait. When Italian bikes go the way of the pet rock, we’ll see who comes beggin’ for spare change.

I suppose I’d have an entirely different attitude about MotoPromo if I could actually afford the shiny stuff that hypnotizes me every time I show up to buy a $90 Ducati part.

Has anyone actually had work done at Roy’s? I just went to one of their parties. So now I think of Roy’s as the Chico State or AZU of secondary schools.

I really would love to see BIN become a bigger national draw, especially if the new owners could construct a dark cloud over the track. Or a retractable, perforated roof with MotoGP races projected on it.

And just a hint of a screed yet to come: When are they going to feature half-time shows with the bauble-head candy cane umbrella stands during the line-up at MotoGP races ? I’m not talking about pole dancing or cheering, I’m talking about 40 laps in Joe Rocket pink chap and faux carbon fiber thongs. They have to wear whatever they wore for their last Kustom Kruiser photo shoot. It wouldn’t be hard to get them to do it: just explain how much weight they’d lose.

Hrmph.

This is an awesomely funny idea. Basically, you find a shitty, non-working, cheap bike and fix it in a limited about of time. (There’s even a good list of places to look for bikes for sale.) Then fix it and ride it to the final destination on the big day. Prizes are awarded for completely arbitrary qualities and with a “completely ill-conceived point system.” Contestants have to bring the title and be willing to sell their bike for $1,000. Then you have money to buy a bike for next year’s contest.

I wonder what non-working means? Would a Honda Goldwing with a full ashtray be allowed? And don’t say, “But a Honda Goldwing is worth a lot more than $1,000!” because I beg to differ.

I wish I knew how to work on bikes, but I’m in favor of as many other people doing this as possible. At least read the web site for the good yucks.